So Christmas.... Christmas and New Years were hard, my first sober ones for some time. I had two when I was expecting each of my children, but aside from that, not so much (not at ALL). 2020 wasn't made harder necessarily because I was massively tempted (7 months or so into my sobriety definitely helped).

But more because of all the booze pushed in your face on tv, adverts, people saying how much they had drunk/were going to drink, generally how booze centric our society is was highlighted by me sitting on the sidelines, watching.

But I also realised I much prefer it out here on the periphery... it's quieter, i can hear myself think for a change, it allows me mental peace and space. I had time to consider how great it was to wake up hangover free on Christmas morning, able to do so much more, enjoy being awake with my kids and being fully mentally present while they opened their presents instead of feeling nauseous. I got to enjoy not being half cut by 12 from bucks bloody fizz at breakfast (although I did substitute the prosecco for a great alcohol free version). I could enjoy being able to drive the 40 or so mins to my wonderful parents' house, (anxiety free - another amazing benefit of kicking the booze) and see them on Christmas day ( this would NEVER have happened any previous Christmases unless someone else was driving. NO fricking way would I have driven anywhere, sorry Mum and Dad - see bucks fizz = couldn't and anxiety = wouldn't).

And so the amazingness of being sober was the gift that kept giving for me. I drove back and made a vegan trifle for my bubble buddy J, who was keeping me company, who is possibly the best friend EVER because he doesn’t drink around me. He even makes amazing mocktails to celebrate my sobriety (yeah this Christmas was truly awesome).

And New Year, well NY is generally all about the drinking, as much, as soon and as quick as humanly possible was my modus operandi, in order to be well and truly plastered by midnight. Well that was my ghost of New Year past… this year helped because even if I wanted to, I couldn’t go out (thanks pandemic, raising an AF toast once again to you, the one good thing you’ve done is remove my social drinking temptation), and to be honest staying in with my kids and watching GoT is much more preferable anyway.

So another first, seeing New Years Day from an amazingly clear headed perspective was a truly novel experience. May it be the first of very many.